We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
