i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
