Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
