So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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