um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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