I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
