Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
