How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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