when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
