im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
