Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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