she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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