As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize