at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
