I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
