There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dick very happy bro
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
