thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
