So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
