walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
