I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
