I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize