Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
