cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
