I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
