you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
