home. puking in laundry basket.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
