Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
