I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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