Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
