i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she peed on how many people?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
