I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
