he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
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Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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