ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
