Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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