Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
