what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
