You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
