Cold hands, warm shart.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
