i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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