Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
