someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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