im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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