Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
