Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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