Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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