I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
