someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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