im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
