Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
