So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You ruined the universe
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
