I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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