I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
