High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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