Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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