this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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