Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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