you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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