smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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