when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
