Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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