Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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