btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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