Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
