I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
