I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
