we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The best revenge is premature balding
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
