Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
