the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
