Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
