the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
MIDGETS
????
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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