i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
