he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
