I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
