There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
