forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
