I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
