I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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