I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
