No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You dont lie about slip and slides
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
