you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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