Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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